Finally ready!

We are starting off this week feeling pretty good! Jason's parents came for a visit this weekend. It is always nice to have an extra set of hands around. Meade definitely enjoyed all of the attention. Jason and I were so excited...we were able to go out on Saturday night. Some friends from MD were in town so they joined us for Mongolian BBQ and a movie.

When Meade was first born I wanted nothing to do with going "out". I just wanted to stay home and be with him every second of every day. Everyone told me to take advantage of a babysitter and go out with Jason. They said it is SO important. But in my heart I thought being with my newborn baby was even more important. I have no regrets about my decision to stay with him. Looking back he needed me. I was the person who could comfort him like no other. One evening out with Jason could wait. Meade would only be that little for a blink of an eye. He cried a lot when he was a newborn. He was extremely hard to console. Maybe some points I could have used a break, but I couldn't allow myself to be apart from him. I couldn't relax until he did. I remember warm summer nights holding him and walking. 11:00 at night we would walking though the streets of our town. It seemed like the air and movement was the only cure. I was exhausted but totally possessed with helping him feel better. Looking back I don't regret holding him that much. I actually wish I could have held him more...which I am pretty sure was not possible!

I have gone out a couple times since he was born. But each time while we were in route to our destination, I almost had Jason turn the car around. I was sooo tired! My heart was breaking at the thought of him waking up and me not being there. He was to little to understand where his mommy went. I felt guilty! This weekend was different. I was ready. I could put Meade down for the night and go out! We knew that he would wake up at 11:00 and I was finally OK with someone else being there. I am not sure if it sounds crazy that it took 7 + months to get to that point. I am also not sure if that seems to soon to some people. But I can tell you, as I got ready to go, I was a little giddy. Jason thought I had been drinking! I was really looking forward our evening. I felt well rested and almost like I deserved it. It had been a long time since I felt like the person I used to be. After 7 months of working harder than I have ever worked. After giving everything that I could possibly give. I was finally ready... and it was really,really fun!